A Black Dog lives here

Depression is hard to explain. It happens. Of late there have been some wonderful moments, some great experiences, some travel and photos to boot. When we got back on Thursday night the plan was to show you all.
But a cloud settled in and stayed. With it a headache that caused nausea. Today, another glorious spring one, I made myself attempt some gardening, it was short lived, but something. Then Em asked if I would ride the bike alongside her while she ran. Reluctantly I pumped up the tires and we set off. She ran a good 5+ miles before stopping and turning round. I barely spoke, but loved being out with my girl in the sun, the wind, the smell of spring.
Someone close posted this today on Facebook and it struck a chord and I thought it really shows what depression can be like for some. It is a WHO video  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

I have a black dog and he was running the show this weekend. Tomorrow I start work on a stroke ward, where there will be some very ill people. I don't want the dog to come with me.

I am very lucky that those near and dear just ignore that black dog until he clears off. I am very grateful too.



 

Dementia Friends

I became one today, you can too. Have a look at the link. 
www.dementiafriends.org.uk

The OK

Big J drove me to Brighton for the appointment with the breast surgeon....and it went well. Nothing sinister, very painful, but nothing to worry about. 

We met up with Adam in the pub where he works in Kemp Town, had a potter, some chips on the beach and came home.

Relief is a funny thing. It is not always a euphoric thing. I actually feel as flat as a pancake. However, I suspect some sleep will help no end. Not much of that going on around here. 

And, I failed my first ever essay. Frankly I was shocked. The comments were blunt to say the least and I think I have been taken down a peg or two. It was hard to read them, especially as I had worked very hard.  After some wallowing, I booked myself onto a writing workshop because I have loads of essays due in the next two months.  I just hope I am up to becoming a nurse. 

Marie Kondo - declutter Queen

Impressionable me has found another heroine in Marie Kondo the diminuitive Japanese tidying expert....author of this best seller. I am not going to buy it as there is a lot about her and her methods on the web. But I do like her approach, not the 'wake up the items' before deciding whether they 'spark joy' parts necessarily, but the rather blunt way she speaks in interviews about THINGS. One can be a dainty, wee Japanese girl with a feminine turn of phrase and still call the kettle black. The other thing she advocates is the letting go of items one has been given... and never use, never will and honestly are not to ones taste (that means you don't like it or them!)....
Coincidentally I found out about this lady when I was assembling my new study area.  Serendipity indeed. For about a week, anything not in or on the new desk was on a bed, in piles. But today more steps were taken to sort and cull much of the older paperwork. It is neatly filed, it is also visible, so I know what I have held onto so do not need to keep similar items, and, it is tidy.
I move slowly and have grand plans and many of them don't get off the ground, but somehow I feel more positive and confident about this method. 
I have also rather daringly purchased a large picture frame to paint and turn into a bulletin board.....mmmm....watch this space. Deffo a weekend job and maybe not until next weekend. This Saturday I am off to the Breast Clinic. There is not much space in my head right now to be creative! 

Breasts and women of a certain age

After regaling you all with the bra fitting story I am now back with another booby tale.

I have an achy boob and have had one for some time. I am a big believer in self examination and know that there are no lumps there, that I can feel. My lovely GP said the same, but there is no denying it is a painful mammory, very sore indeed. So, she has referred me to the local Breast Clinic for some tests. My last mammogram was clear, so here's hoping it is nothing.

Having worked with Breast Consultants I know what the worst case scenario is and strangely I am not worried. That might change - but all I can do now is wait for the next appointment, look after myself and not torture myself with horror stories. 

Yay again for the NHS.....

Happy Friday 2 - Slippery babies

Today I was in a baby massage session. No photos were allowed, but it was great. Buck-naked babies on mats with mums gently oiling them. They use sunflower oil!! They were all slippery looking and shiny. The background music was the same as for an adult spa session, low, melodious and slow, but, it was things like Brahm's lullaby, Scarborough Fair and other songs that a mum might sing.  A happy way to spend some time. 

Breasts and bras

Years ago, when our relationship was still new, my stepson told me that 75% of British women don't wear properly fitted bras. Quite a brave subject for a 14 year old! I was proud to say that I am not in that per centage, for I always have a fitting done.  Every time, although the times can be many moons apart and that is why I turn up on the appointed day in a grey, stretchy looking thing that could not hold up a feather let alone a boob.....

Each time I vow I will return more frequently so as not to have to put myself trough the angony of revealing the shrivelled garment to the expert eye of the fitter. 

Hah! Today was fitting day and I had to scrabble through my undies to find the least saggy, least discoloured bra. When the fitter asked me what size it was I panicked because I was sure that the tag had frayed away, but NO, we could just make out the number. Based on that and the fact that the one I had on was cutting into me, she gently suggested a larger size. A size that (a now defunct) Page Three Girl would be happy to have....so up with the times I am!

But is it not the page three bits that are bigger it is those awful fleshy bits that you need to poke back into the bra....But to be honest I didn't give a toss. I was happy to be supported and held and have big wide straps at the back to reduce the gouged flesh look, so happy in fact, I refused to take it off and wore it home...
(I did pay for it and she did take the tag at the back off). If I had been run over by a bus however, the tag at the front of the bra would have let the world know my new size. LOL

Rude awakeing gives way to slap in the face!

So, after a weekend in which we drove to PRESTON and back in pouring rain to see the University of Central Lancaster and to find out about their great Chinese program....and one hectic day at the office, my blood pressure has shot up even higher and the doc is not a happy bunny. Nor me. I have long believed I am invincible, fit, energetic, an out there getting on with life kinda gal...now I feel a bit frumpy and tentative.
Well I did, until I thought bugger it, I am not going to let this get me. We discussed life style changes....oh yes...the hard bit. Effort required and WILL POWER, in spades, but essential.
First thing was a healthy meal tonight and I have made some Bircher Meusli (with no added sugar or salt) for breakfast, and there is a very green salad in the fridge for lunch tomorrow.....
There is no incentive like one's own health.
The other thing is to have a week of quiet nights in. No Book Club tomorrow. It is just too much fun! Too liquid at times and very noisy. Calm is the thing.
Bit of blog reading and backgammon tonight and no study. Bed early too.
Beetroot soup on the menu tomorrow - with maybe only a tiny bit of feta....
Dog walks for exercise and to enjoy the autumn smells and colours. Doable even in the rain - although Juno seems to think it a bit much.
Bed time now so sleep tight all. x

Rude awakening?

You know I love my job. Yesterday was no different except I was feeling a bit headachy. That had started the night before and I had a burning feeling in my chest....dutifully ignored by moi.
The Princess Royal visited in the morning to open the new theatres, but apart from a fleeting glimpse in the car park, there was not much for the rank and file to see. I thought it would have been a good idea to walk her round our offices so she could see how the rest of the population of the hospital works....HA!
After lunch I got a chance to go into the new theatres and talk to some patients recovering from their ops. Part of an inpromptu inspection which I volunteered for. It was great. Those nurses are fab, and the patients were all happy and I felt very privileged. Then the chest pains came back and to cut a long story short - my manager walked me to MIU. There they did an ecg, took my blood pressure which was way, way up and I usually have low bp, and sent me off to the GP....Looks like, seems like, may be stress. To be honest I do not feel stressed. I eat, drink, do my things and am crazy busy all the time. I love my work and friends and the buzz of helping people. But the man said to stay at home today and relax. Que?
So after some mad texting and phone calls I am officially not working and am relaxing. I will do some reading of my course material. (I WANT to do this), some crochet, Thomas Henry's blanket is coming together nicely, walk the dog and have a big fat siesta. So with the kitchen clock ticking, the dog and cat asleep beside me, I will have a little blog browsing session.
Have a great day folks.