A Black Dog lives here

Depression is hard to explain. It happens. Of late there have been some wonderful moments, some great experiences, some travel and photos to boot. When we got back on Thursday night the plan was to show you all.
But a cloud settled in and stayed. With it a headache that caused nausea. Today, another glorious spring one, I made myself attempt some gardening, it was short lived, but something. Then Em asked if I would ride the bike alongside her while she ran. Reluctantly I pumped up the tires and we set off. She ran a good 5+ miles before stopping and turning round. I barely spoke, but loved being out with my girl in the sun, the wind, the smell of spring.
Someone close posted this today on Facebook and it struck a chord and I thought it really shows what depression can be like for some. It is a WHO video  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

I have a black dog and he was running the show this weekend. Tomorrow I start work on a stroke ward, where there will be some very ill people. I don't want the dog to come with me.

I am very lucky that those near and dear just ignore that black dog until he clears off. I am very grateful too.



 

Poldark and handsome

BBC iPlayer is great. I have been catching up on the Poldark series. He is a bit too pretty and sculpted to have been a man of his era, but it is nice to watch. Pretty fields of flowers, pristine seascapes as well as some of the best bad teeth on an actor I have seen in a while!! What made it good tonight was I crocheted all the way through it.
Tomorrow it is back to the books and essays, but what a lovely evening.

 

Hooking holidays

This is Em's blanket that I made a couple of years ago, in my earlier crochet days. It has a narrow bottom end and a wide top! For some time there has been a desire to rectify it and this weekend I started. It is slowly becoming a neat ripple blanket...the frogging is a nightmare. Washes have lead to fibres becoming matted and catching. But it will be worth the effort in the end. Having something to crochet after so long is wonderful. I am changing the colours slightly, but attempting to use only yarn in the original and my stash. I will post a picture of the progress soon.

Other happy news is a new tiny laptop in ocean blue to do my uni work on. Loving it.

Dementia Friends

I became one today, you can too. Have a look at the link. 
www.dementiafriends.org.uk

Happy Friday - the red velvet hand of friendship

In a recent workshop we were tasked with planning a dinner party with entertainment afterwards. It was an exercise in 
communication. We have so many nationalities and faiths in our group that we needed to negotiate and more importantly learn about what our colleagues could and would not eat and do.
One group ended up with red velvet cake for dessert... there were oohs and aahs until a Zimbabwean guy asked what it was. Horror! 'You don't KNOW?' was the common reaction. Interesting. So, I offered to make him one and I took it in for him. It was a little thing to do, and a red velvet cake is not a reflection of British culture, but it is yummy and is gives me joy to do something for someone else. 

Happy Friday.

Bitter truth

Boy is this one is hard to write, but here goes. I failed my first two essays. I was shocked the first time, and numb the second. I don't think it is because I am thick, I just didn't know how to write to an acceptable academic level.
It is better not to pretend to myself that all is well. Nor to anyone who reads this and might be interested.
What did I do when I found out? The first time, I cried a little. I then wrote to the tutor asking for a meeting. She told me she was unavailable. That hurt! I have written to another one. Still waiting to hear.
When it happened the next time I just felt sad and worried that maybe I am not up to scratch. I love it so much but is my head in the clouds? It seemed I did not 'get it' at all. So I have asked that tutor for a meeting. As tough and embarrassing as this is for me, it is more important that I learn how to write well and to do better next time around.
There are those around me who miss class, who talk through lessons, who even watch TV shows on their ipads. They have all passed. There are those who say they did REALLY badly and go on about how they are so worried that they will fail, when in fact they are way up there. Why pretend? It makes it even harder for us stragglers. It is hard to be sympathetic when they actually don't need it, not for failing anyway.
So, this week, I have been reading, writing, doing an online academic skills module and have booked myself onto a referencing course. This is my dream and I don't want to blow it.

The OK

Big J drove me to Brighton for the appointment with the breast surgeon....and it went well. Nothing sinister, very painful, but nothing to worry about. 

We met up with Adam in the pub where he works in Kemp Town, had a potter, some chips on the beach and came home.

Relief is a funny thing. It is not always a euphoric thing. I actually feel as flat as a pancake. However, I suspect some sleep will help no end. Not much of that going on around here. 

And, I failed my first ever essay. Frankly I was shocked. The comments were blunt to say the least and I think I have been taken down a peg or two. It was hard to read them, especially as I had worked very hard.  After some wallowing, I booked myself onto a writing workshop because I have loads of essays due in the next two months.  I just hope I am up to becoming a nurse.