Sunday, 6 January 2013

Wise words from Frugal Queen touch a nerve

This is our home and we jointly fund it. This is our life and we jointly fund it.

For the LONGEST time I have struggled with joint accounts, pooled money and in fact pooling in general. This is not the same as sharing, if that makes sense. Big J is a pooler. It is all for us, for our lives, for our future. I have clung on to the old ideas and ways and it has been a struggle for both of us. I always want to have my own money (i.e savings) in case. In case what? Rarely does this money get spent, it is squirrelled away and kept. My pay goes into my bank account, then I transfer the overpayment for the mortgage into our joint account.... Other income comes into my account and again, I transfer that into a savings account in my name, although that money is without question 'ours'. By the end of the month after my humble outgoings, there is little left, and that goes into savings too.
All this reveals an independent streak that is very wide, but on the down side, it maybe shows a lack of faith in our shared values or is it our sharing values? I don't know.
We have a good life, a very blessed life. We have a comfortable home, want for nothing and most importantly are all in good health. BUT, I feel unsettled a lot of the time. I thought for the longest time that I wanted change. That I wanted the things around me to change. They aren't going to.

I am probably not going to either. Let's face it, at this age with all these weird habits it is probably impossible, but I think that what FQ said in her longer blog about budgets really hit a nerve. It is time I started to think more we and us and less me and I. It is time I started to accept that we both work our long, long ours for us and the kids. It is time to accept that if I am not happy with the way things are, I can get off my butt and have a go and get them the way I want them.

What a waffle for a Sunday morning, but the reality is, FQ, who is wise and lives her words, has inspired some serious self reflection and not a moment too soon.

It is not the 'what might happen' that counts, it is the 'what we are doing now FOR now and the future' that does.

Off to dismantle the Christmas tree and collect my wee girls, who will be a bit sad because Dada flies home today.


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