Tuesday, 24 February 2015

Bitter truth

Boy is this one is hard to write, but here goes. I failed my first two essays. I was shocked the first time, and numb the second. I don't think it is because I am thick, I just didn't know how to write to an acceptable academic level.
It is better not to pretend to myself that all is well. Nor to anyone who reads this and might be interested.
What did I do when I found out? The first time, I cried a little. I then wrote to the tutor asking for a meeting. She told me she was unavailable. That hurt! I have written to another one. Still waiting to hear.
When it happened the next time I just felt sad and worried that maybe I am not up to scratch. I love it so much but is my head in the clouds? It seemed I did not 'get it' at all. So I have asked that tutor for a meeting. As tough and embarrassing as this is for me, it is more important that I learn how to write well and to do better next time around.
There are those around me who miss class, who talk through lessons, who even watch TV shows on their ipads. They have all passed. There are those who say they did REALLY badly and go on about how they are so worried that they will fail, when in fact they are way up there. Why pretend? It makes it even harder for us stragglers. It is hard to be sympathetic when they actually don't need it, not for failing anyway.
So, this week, I have been reading, writing, doing an online academic skills module and have booked myself onto a referencing course. This is my dream and I don't want to blow it.

Saturday, 21 February 2015

The OK

Big J drove me to Brighton for the appointment with the breast surgeon....and it went well. Nothing sinister, very painful, but nothing to worry about. 

We met up with Adam in the pub where he works in Kemp Town, had a potter, some chips on the beach and came home.

Relief is a funny thing. It is not always a euphoric thing. I actually feel as flat as a pancake. However, I suspect some sleep will help no end. Not much of that going on around here. 

And, I failed my first ever essay. Frankly I was shocked. The comments were blunt to say the least and I think I have been taken down a peg or two. It was hard to read them, especially as I had worked very hard.  After some wallowing, I booked myself onto a writing workshop because I have loads of essays due in the next two months.  I just hope I am up to becoming a nurse. 

Friday, 20 February 2015

A good life ends

For many this may not seem like a happy post and in fact it is not really. This week, the girls lost their beloved grandad in Japan. He was tiny, fiesty, had had a hard childhood and was very traditional. He also adored the girls and took great interest in them, their interests and lives. He frequently sent them books, Chinese characters for Hannah and science for Em. Despite the tears and sorrow, they will remember him for his spirit and quirky sense of humour. Everyone always laughed a lot and the memories will be very happy.

On the Happy Friday thing, my total lack of technical skills meant that I did not realise that the idea was to use linky to link to the group, although I did manage to get the button onto the blog. So, today I am linking back to Planet Penny to see if that works. I can be a real dill at times!

Tuesday, 17 February 2015

Marie Kondo - declutter Queen

Impressionable me has found another heroine in Marie Kondo the diminuitive Japanese tidying expert....author of this best seller. I am not going to buy it as there is a lot about her and her methods on the web. But I do like her approach, not the 'wake up the items' before deciding whether they 'spark joy' parts necessarily, but the rather blunt way she speaks in interviews about THINGS. One can be a dainty, wee Japanese girl with a feminine turn of phrase and still call the kettle black. The other thing she advocates is the letting go of items one has been given... and never use, never will and honestly are not to ones taste (that means you don't like it or them!)....
Coincidentally I found out about this lady when I was assembling my new study area.  Serendipity indeed. For about a week, anything not in or on the new desk was on a bed, in piles. But today more steps were taken to sort and cull much of the older paperwork. It is neatly filed, it is also visible, so I know what I have held onto so do not need to keep similar items, and, it is tidy.
I move slowly and have grand plans and many of them don't get off the ground, but somehow I feel more positive and confident about this method. 
I have also rather daringly purchased a large picture frame to paint and turn into a bulletin board.....mmmm....watch this space. Deffo a weekend job and maybe not until next weekend. This Saturday I am off to the Breast Clinic. There is not much space in my head right now to be creative! 

Friday, 13 February 2015

Happy Friday - Flat pack success!

 A good morning's work.

Now to tidy up the room and add things to the desk.....

Tuesday, 10 February 2015

Breasts and women of a certain age

After regaling you all with the bra fitting story I am now back with another booby tale.

I have an achy boob and have had one for some time. I am a big believer in self examination and know that there are no lumps there, that I can feel. My lovely GP said the same, but there is no denying it is a painful mammory, very sore indeed. So, she has referred me to the local Breast Clinic for some tests. My last mammogram was clear, so here's hoping it is nothing.

Having worked with Breast Consultants I know what the worst case scenario is and strangely I am not worried. That might change - but all I can do now is wait for the next appointment, look after myself and not torture myself with horror stories. 

Yay again for the NHS.....

Sunday, 8 February 2015

Happy Friday - on a Sunday

As I reversed out of the driveway on Friday morning to head up to London, the sky was light and for the first time all winter, the Sat Nav was on daylight mode. I even left a few minutes earlier...more light is so good.

My eyes have been opened to the prospect of nursing in the community, at some point. However, I still want my hands on ward experience first.

On Saturday I went to IKEA and bought this. For months I have struggled with Hannah's child-sized desk and chair to work on and was determined not to buy another piece of furniture. But I need more work space. I have scoured charity shops, local sales, ebay etc and the most cost efficient/time efficient solution, this time, was just to buy the blasted thing. Delivery was horrendously expensive, so I went and got it myself. Ikea is a trap. I feel trapped in there having to follow the arrows ever forwards.... Mistakenly I headed off down the Market Hall not the Showroom Hall and discovering my error and feeling rather agitated walked back, against the flow of shoppers to where I wanted to be. It felt pretty rebellious and it wasn't easy. People meander and when I am on a mission I find meanderers annoying!

The plan this week is to sugar soap the walls in Han's room and paint it. She has given me permission and I think she will like the result. When she comes home, she will have a serene, more grown-up space to relax in and while she is away, I will have a nice study!

Thursday, 5 February 2015

Bye bye Baby, Baby goodbye...

Two weeks with an amazing Health Visitor mentor and her team comes to an end tomorrow and I thought I would make them a little something to thank them.

Cupcakes....red velvet cupcakes no less, but they look nothing like the picture. In fact they are quite scary looking:

The icing bag defeated me again. Nozzle in place, icing in bag, hands nice and cool and squeeze, only to have the thing explode, THREE times. So the back of a teaspoon had to do.

Em tells me they are nice...she is testing one for me. 

Still not sure they should be let out in public! 

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Results are in

The results are in for the first anatomy and physiology exam and I passed. I worked hard but realised that I have a lot to learn about the learning process and in fact have to relearn how to learn!

I will take that forward and try and do better next time round. Very happy today. 

Tuesday, 3 February 2015

The pleasing effect of snow

There is something special about waking up to see snow falling if you don't see it often, which we don't in the South East. I just love it. I love the fact that it muffles sound and can make even a landfill site look beautiful. Yes, it has its critics and there are dangers, but a snowy winter's day is something to behold. 

I took this shot this morning on my way to London.